Lori Lynne Armstrong had a plan: be beautiful, brilliant and successful enough to escape her inexplicable feelings of worthlessness.
An eating disorder, chronic pain, hospitalization for mental illness and an addiction to painkillers were NOT part of that plan. She fought for decades before realizing it was time for a new approach.
In her compelling new memoir, Someday I Will Not Be Ashamed, Armstrong chases her goal of perfection with one scheme after another, using beauty, sex, academic achievement, professional merit and motherhood as ways to feel acceptable.
Someday I Will Not Be Ashamed lets readers follow a woman from the corridors of M.I.T. to the hallways of the psychiatric ward, from therapist-in-training to a therapist’s problem patient, and, at last, beyond shame to an unlikely self-acceptance.
Drawing upon her educational background in psychology and molecular biology to observe every step of her journey through an informed lens, Armstrong’s approach is emotionally authentic and avoids painting a perfect picture of recovery. The author doesn’t overcome her conditions, except in the basic sense of staying off of the drugs that were killing her. She has to learn to live with them and build a life that fits her very real limitations.
“This is not a success story,” Armstrong said. “Oh, there are successes in it. A few, or many, depending on your point of view. But this isn’t ‘inspiration porn.’ This isn’t a book telling you that you can overcome anything and be whatever you want to be. This book has something to say for anyone who needs to craft a life that fits their abilities instead of one that fits society’s pressures.”
A revealing look at the perils of toxic perfectionism, Someday I Will Not Be Ashamed offers a lifeline to anyone struggling with self-acceptance and humanizes the face of substance abuse and mental illness.
“Many people have conscious or unconscious ideas of how a junkie looks or talks. I look nothing like that, and I talk like the love child of a poet and a psychologist,” Armstrong added. “Addicts are everywhere, and we look just like you. And we who live with mental illness are everywhere, too. Anyone you meet who looks confident on the outside may be battling symptoms or drowning in a swamp of shame.”
Lori Lynne Armstrong has been a scientist, a counsellor, a mental patient and a drug addict. She holds master’s degrees in molecular biology and counselling psychology. Before her addiction and mental health issues required a change, she worked in the counselling field and acquired clinical expertise that is useful in understanding and describing the topics she addresses.
She’s a writer of prose and poetry on the subjects of mental health and addiction, working to manage her conditions responsibly while trying to decrease shame and stigma for others who suffer. She is also the author of the poetry compilation Poppytown: Love Songs from the Opioid Epidemic.
Someday I Will Not Be Ashamed: A Memoir, Publisher: Winterhand Books, Paperback: 327 pages, ISBN-13 : 979-8988042402
Available from Amazon.com
